♪ ♪
(Alarm beeping)
(Beeping stops)
(Toothbrush motor whirring)
I guess what I'm having a little bit of trouble with here
is how you could have done something like this
in the first place.
I mean, please, help me understand
what was going through your minds at the time.
We weren't paying attention.
And I know I speak for us both when I say that
if I had it to do over again, i would absolutely
do things differently.
I would be much more aware.
Because you got caught, or because you feel ashamed?
I feel ashamed.
I'm ashamed of my behavior,
and I am deeply, deeply sorry.
Yeah, we were all gonna go to kylynn's after work,
if you want to come.
Man (on TV): Me, too.
I mean, you can invite her, if you want.
I'm just kind of over her right now.
(TV continues indistinctly)
Well, she's just been kind of like
a really bad friend to all our other friends, you know?
I mean, she got 15 downvotes last week,
so that tells you something.
That's about all the time we have for Lewis and Tom,
so, please, don't forget to cast your votes now.
You have the breakfast show on?
Yeah, but I missed the first part-- what did they do?
-...or Sincere. -Mm.
That one guy has really weird eyes.
Mm, I don't know, he just seems kind of shady.
Yeah, I was gonna wear the blue one,
but then I totally forgot i let jessala borrow it,
and now she's out of town.
(Chuckles)
I know, right? Bitch.
She is so getting a downvote when she gets back.
(Chiming)
Guard: hey! hey!
(Grunts)
(Panting)
Final vote has begun.
(Buzzer sounding)
(Electricity crackling)
(Screaming)
♪ ♪
Man, it does look a lot like earth.
Ed: in more ways than one.
With all the different planets in the galaxy,
you're bound to have a few cases of parallel species development.
Sargas four is an acute example of this phenomenon.
Union cultural anthropologists believe it bears
remarkable similarities to your 21st century earth.
So, like, I could go down there
and get, like, a manwich?
Nobody's going down there except the landing team.
How long have the researchers been unaccounted for?
Over a month. (Sighs)
Their last report indicated they'd had
some success integrating into the culture.
They even sent back some really interesting images.
And then, suddenly, nothing.
Radio silence.
Could just be equipment malfunction.
-Communications failure. -Maybe.
I'm gonna go check on the landing team.
-Bortus, you have the conn. -Aye, sir.
(Grunts) this is ridiculous, man.
How the hell is anybody supposed to walk around in these things?
I don't know, John, I think you look good in skinny jeans.
If I wanted to scratch my balls right now,
I would have to reach in my back pocket.
Yeah, well, at least your pants are whole.
Commander, I look ridiculous.
You want to go down there with that forehead?
Well, no, but...
Okay, let's see what else is in the file.
We don't have a lot of specific information on this society.
Traditional sargas four headwear, various styles.
Here.
There you go. That's better.
John, what do you think?
I dig it. I like the whole thing.
If Andy got a look at you right now,
he'd be kickin' himself for dumpin' you.
I dumped him, let's be clear about that.
My god, you guys look like unemployed backup dancers.
You want to lead this landing party?
No, I'm too shy to wear a crop top.
Don't forget this.
Sargas four is a capitalist culture.
What is it?
-It's money. -What do you do with it?
You give it to people, and they give you stuff,
-or they do stuff. -That's weird.
There's gonna be a lot of weird surprises down there,
so everyone's gonna have to stay alert.
Claire... I'm sure Lewis is fine.
It's probably just faulty communications.
I appreciate that, captain.
Lewis and I worked together a long time ago,
but I always remember him being very resourceful.
I know he's okay.
All right.
Now, remember, you go in,
you locate the anthropologists, you bring 'em back.
You leave as tiny a footprint as you can on that society.
No interference.
If, god forbid, something's happened to our people,
you get out of there fast, you report back here. Understood?
-Okay. -all right, good luck.
Oh, and, alara,
do something about that nose, will you?
Aye, sir.
Why are you sitting like that?
It's these friggin' jeans.
If I leaned back right now, I'd give myself a vasectomy.
Engage cloak.
Engaging cloak.
(Low chatter)
Hey, jerris. Good to see you back.
Oh, thanks, man.
I think that was probably the worst flu I ever had.
Well, hey, looks like you lost a few pounds.
You know, I'll take it.
Oh, look at that.
How nice is your grandma, huh?
How much does she love you?
Thank you, grandma.
Oh, you are so welcome, dear one.
What do you give to grandma?
-Thank you, honey. -Aw, good girl.
Mother: that's it.
-Oh! -watch it, dude!
I'm really sorry. I wasn't looking.
Claire: look at this place.
My god, it's incredible how similar it is to old earth.
Yeah, maybe there's a "bustin jieber"
walkin' around somewhere.
Grayson to Orville.
Ed (over comm): Orville here.
-You reading me? -Loud and clear.
Good. we'll stay on this frequency and contact you
when we have an update. Grayson out.
All right, here you go.
Have a good day.
-Kelly: hi. Yeah, hi. -Can I help you?
We were wondering, if by any chance, you've seen
either of these two men.
(Laughs) what's this, a joke?
No, it's not.
Do you know them?
Yeah, I know who they are.
Do you know where we can find them?
Well, they used to hang out at the cafe up the street.
Hey, where are your badges?
We're not police officers, if that's what you're asking.
Well, you sure as hell are gonna get arrested
without your badges.
Mine broke, so I figured I'd wait
for the new version to come out.
Actually, we lost them.
I can sell you a set of four,
all pre-loaded with 200,000 upvotes.
That's... that's great, thanks.
They're all odd numbers, with a couple of downvotes included,
so it doesn't seem fake.
-(Kelly clears throat) -40 lods.
-I'm sorry? -Come on!
-The money. -Oh. Oh, right. Sorry.
Um...
-Now, about the two men. -Go on,
get the hell outta here-- you want to get me busted?
Come on, let's go check out the cafe.
What are these things?
I don't know, but everybody's wearing 'em.
Look around you.
Hey, alara,
maybe you can find a guy here, huh?
Brand-new planet, nobody knows your dating history.
What the hell does that mean?
Nothin'. it's just that you've gone through
two guys in two months.
Well, I told you, it's just really hard to find a guy
who doesn't get insecure about my abilities.
Is that the only reason you dumped Andy?
Mostly, but also...
He danced weird.
-What? -weird how?
Too grindy.
A little grindy can be good.
Yeah, but this was really grindy.
Wait, what's-what's too grindy?
Right, like, is-is this too grindy?
What the hell are you doing?
Is this too grindy
or not grindy enough?
-Lieutenant, stop it. -This is it, right?
Huh? this is that goldilocks grind.
Where the grind is just right.
Lieutenant, knock it off right now. That's an order.
All right, all right. I was just trying to help out.
What part of inconspicuous don't you understand?
There's the cafe, come on.
And there's great concern about the level of contamination
due to industrial waste in the south madaka reservoir.
But you can't deny facts. 74% of the population
has voted that assessment false.
I mean, facts are facts.
Have a nice day.
Hi, I'd just like a cup of tea, please.
Read the sign.
Please, all I want is a cup of tea.
I've been to a dozen cafes all over town...
No exceptions.
Most of these are from my 20s.
I'm a completely different person, and...
Look, if you don't get out of here right now,
I'm going to call the police.
-Hi. can I help you? -I hope so.
We're looking for two men who've been seen here.
Hi. I'm lysella.
Hey, I'm John.
How's it going?
Oh, god, that was too forward, wasn't it?
Was that too forward?
Nah. no.
I was just saying
I wish somebody would poke me today.
(Chuckles)
What happened to your nose?
It's a deviated septum.
She's a coke addict.
Ma'am, have you seen either of these two men?
You're kidding me, right?
Everybody knows these guys.
Why does everyone know them?
They got corrected, like a month ago.
What do you mean by corrected?
-(Rapid trilling) -Man (on TV): Breaking news...
-Oh, my god. -John, your badge.
Oh, my god, what did you do?
-Commander, look. -Man (on TV): Again,
what you are seeing here is a man
performing what appears to be
a lewd act on a statue of mella giffenden.
This was recorded just a few minutes ago and uploaded.
The feed is understandably
not happy about it,
and voting has already begun.
The badge code has been identified,
so get out those mobile devices and cast your vote now.
Oh, my god, you're already above 500,000.
You need to get out of here, now.
-Wait, what does that mean? -Get out of here. Now! Go!
Come on, let's go.
Man: hey!
Hey, that's the guy!
(Crowd clamoring)
-What's going on here? -I...
Grayson to Orville.
-Mercer here, go ahead. -Captain, there's something
going on down here. Some kind of social hysteria
surrounding lieutenant lamarr.
Show some respect for your country, jerk.
Hey, chill out.
Kelly, what's happening?
John dry-humped a statue.
What?
Get out of the way!
(Rapid beeping)
We got to get out of here now.
I'll contact you from the shuttle.
Grayson out.
Get out of the way.
We got to move, guys. Come on.
-Come on, let's move. -Get out of the way.
Move.
Come on, we gotta move.
Hold it right there!
You're under arrest.
Exactly what did your navigator do down there?
I'm told he dry-humped a statue.
Oh, my god.
What kind of ship are you running out there, captain?
Look, admiral, he's an impulsive guy, yes,
but he's fantastic at his job.
Part of his job is to maintain a low profile
when observing lesser-developed alien cultures.
I-i know that, and I promise it will not happen again.
I will personally order him..
Not to hump things, but in the meantime,
request clearance to extract him.
Absolutely not.
Look, sir, just hear me out on this, okay?
Let's say we reveal ourselves.
We go in there, we tell them what happened.
This is a culture at the 21st century level of development.
Knowledge of extraterrestrial life
could unify them in a profound way.
Or it could plunge them into a panic,
or some worse degree of upheaval.
I'm sorry, captain.
Your man screwed up.
He's going to have to play by their rules.
Tucker out.
(Willks sighs)
Sorry to keep you waiting, John.
Is it "John"?
Yeah. that's-that's right.
That's an unusual name.
Is it kelvic?
Yeah. sure.
Well...
John...
You've gotten yourself in a bit of a situation, haven't you?
I don't know. You tell me.
Last time I checked,
you only arrest someone if they've committed a crime.
Uh-huh. and what would you call a million downvotes?
Look man, I just danced with a statue, that's all.
Why don't you start by telling me
your version of what happened,
-from the beginning. -If I told it from the beginning,
you'd crap your pants and pass out.
(Laughs)
Trust me, I've heard it all.
There's nothing you can say that will shock me.
Want to bet?
Look, I'm just here to help you.
Are you supposed to be my lawyer or something?
-Your what? -My lawyer.
I'm not familiar with that term.
You know, with everything I've seen today,
I'm not the least bit surprised.
I'm your publicity officer.
I'm here to help guide you through your apology tour.
Okay, wait. Now I'm really lost.
What the hell is that?
(Laughs) you-you don't know what an apology tour is?
John, they happen every day.
How can you not be aware of...
Let's say I'm not aware, okay?
Let's say, right,
I'm the dumbest son of a bitch you've ever met.
Now with that in mind,
why don't you explain my situation to me?
Okay.
You performed a disrespectful act
on a statue commemorating frontier hero mella giffenden.
It was caught on video and uploaded to the master feed.
You received over one million downvotes from the public,
which makes what you did a crime against the state.
You will now begin an apology tour,
during which the people will vote on whether or not
they believe your sincerity.
If your downvotes remain under ten million,
you'll be free to go.
(Laughs)
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
(Laughing): wait. I'm sorry...
All that crap you just said,
that-that's real?
Aw, you got to be kidding me.
That's how the justice system works.
Which I think you know.
Okay, wait, so...
Uh, what happens if they don't believe me?
You will undergo social correction
to prevent future transgressions.
What's that, social correction?
(Clears throat) You will receive
a series of neurological treatments
to pacify any and all potentially negative impulses.
Okay, now I ain't laughing.
Mercer to Grayson.
What's the latest?
No change, captain.
We're waiting for them to bring him out.
Ed: I still want to know how the hell
a member of my crew let this happen.
Kelly: it was my fault.
I take full responsibility.
Do you have any idea how bad this is?
Ed, I'll fix it. I promise.
Ed: no surprise,
the admiral denied us clearance to extract him.
So, what are we up against?
This whole society seems to operate
on some kind of points system.
I mean, these badges everyone wears,
the feed on every wall,
-John's arrest... -Okay. Your guy's here.
You got five minutes.
Okay, they just brought him out. I got to go.
I'll contact you when I can. Grayson out.
Lieutenant, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm all right. But, commander, t-this is crazy.
They want me to do some kind of apology tour
that's supposed to decide if I'm guilty or not.
Well, that fits right in with everything else
about this place.
I don't suppose the Orville could send down an armed party
and we just blast our way out of here.
The captain couldn't get clearance from the union.
We're gonna have to work within the laws of this society.
Is the captain mad?
Well, he's more mad at me.
(Sighs) good.
Listen, uh, they said I could take
one person with me on the tour.
I'd like it to be you.
Of course. I'll do everything I can to help.
We're gonna get you out of this, don't worry.
Alara: John.
Did they tell you what happens if you lose?
It doesn't sound good.
They put you through some kind of brain fry
that's supposed to get rid of all the bad stuff.
This is a 21st century level society.
They don't have the medical sophistication
to do that safely.
Commander, he could end up a mental vegetable.
-Hey, I'm a spaceman! You got to let me out of here! -Shh!
-I'm a spaceman! Hey! -Don't make this worse for yourself.
Come on.
Okay, let's say...
Let's say he loses.
Would you be able to reverse any damage to his brain?
I don't know.
I'd have to examine someone who's had the procedure.
The question is, who?
The missing anthropologists.
Remember the girl from the cafe said that they'd been corrected.
-They must've done something. -That makes sense.
Everyone we talked to seemed to recognize them.
What in the hell could they have done?
Lewis isn't exactly the type to hump a statue.
We've got to locate those men.
I'm sorry, John, i got to pull you away.
The chat needs you on set in 20 minutes.
The chat?
Yep. put your game face on.
Here we go.
Now remember, humility is the key.
You're extremely ashamed of your lack of judgment,
and you're prepared to accept society's verdict
with wholehearted respect.
And don't forget to mention the donation.
I got it, all right?
Believe me, I'm gonna just
go out there and kiss ass.
Yeah, but not too much.
If they think you're pandering,
they'll smell it.
Just be yourself, but be humble.
(Audience applauds)
-(Music plays) -(Cheering, whooping)
-Woman: okay, welcome back to the chat. -(Music stops)
It is voting time, and today we've got one
I'm sure you're all aware of.
Have you guys seen this video of the guy with the statue?
-(Audience groaning) -It's pretty disgraceful.
This man was caught on video
simulating a sexual act
with a statue of mella giffenden,
and it has justifiably angered a lot of people.
We have the video here.
Let's take a look.
Is it too grindy or not grindy enough?
-(Audience exclaims) -Ugh.
(Audience groaning)
And that's not even how I do sex. I was-i was just dancing.
Um... humility.
Oh, wow,
that is just horrible.
Totally agree. Look at the master feed.
Everybody's talking about it.
"He has no respect for his nation," says one person.
"We don't need people like that in our society," says another.
"Correct him now."
Obviously, people are
very passionate about this, so let's bring him out.
Ladies and gentlemen, John lamarr.
-(Music playing) -Okay, go.
(Audience booing)
(Music stops)
-I just had to do that. -Good girl.
Okay, so let's get straight to it,
because everybody wants to know
why would you do something so blatantly
demeaning to the image of someone who is
so universally respected by our country?
Well, I deeply regret my actions,
and I'm very, very sorry and it will not happen again.
Peace.
I don't know.
Does he sound sorry?
-I don't think so. -John: No, i-i am.
I-i really am.
I had a momentary lapse in judgment,
and I'm aware that I caused offense
to a great many people and I sincerely apologize.
-(Semmla scoffs) -(John stammers)
I'm not even that kind of guy.
Grayson to Orville. Are you watching?
We're seeing it.
I like soda.
I'm a good driver.
Who would need such a large cup?
Ed: Kelly, what the hell kind of circus is this?
You're telling me this is their legal process?
We haven't seen evidence of any codified legal framework.
(Over comm): I mean, it all seems subject to public vote
at any given time.
Captain, what she is describing
is an absolute, unstructured democracy.
There is no record of any previously discovered society
operating in such a fashion.
Government by American idol.
What is American idol?
That was a form of entertainment from old earth.
People competed to see who had the best singing voice.
Why?
I don't know.
It was a dark time.
I sing.
Okay, I just want to jump in here.
You know, we talk to a lot of different people on this show
and I got to say, your apology sounds very rehearsed.
Semmla: yeah, it does.
(Audience booing)
Do something.
I can't. It's up to him.
N-no, no, i-i swear to god.
I-I'm so, so completely sorry.
N-no bs.
I-i even donated
to the mella giffendon foundation for jacked-up kids.
The foundation for disadvantaged children.
Right. that's-that's the one.
Uh, I gave a whole bunch of money.
Hoshel: really?
How many lods?
-Oh, so many lods. -How many?
I just walked in there and I made it rain lods.
I was like, boom.
-Lods for ev... -Carris: I have a question.
Can you tell us what mella giffendon did
that made her such a hero?
-Oh, no. -What?
We didn't cover this.
She was... she did a lot of things,
a lot of good things.
Th-that's why there's a statue.
Y-y-y-you don't get a statue just sitting around.
She got up, she got out,
and she did what's what
and that's why there's a statue.
Name one thing she did.
She saved the whale forests.
Semmla (over monitor): He can't even name one thing.
Oh, my god. How about leading
an entire settlement of pioneers, for one.
Carris (over monitor): Okay, i think we've heard enough.
-Yeah. -let's vote. Shall we vote?
-Yeah. let's vote. -(Applause, cheers)
Hoshel (over monitor): All right, let's get his badge info
up there on the screen.
Semmla (over monitor): Okay. There it is.
Studio audience and you folks at home, cast your votes.
Dude, I got to say, this is creepy.
I mean it. This is creepy as hell.
(Music plays)
Carris: all right.
Let's see where we're at.
It's okay.
He's got more shows to do.
You think she'll help us?
Alara: they had to have a base of operations somewhere.
She's the only one who might be able to give us a lead.
Lysella: there you go.
Oh, hey, guys.
I am so, so sorry about what happened.
Well, thank you.
We're optimistic that he'll be okay.
Who?
John. our friend who got arrested.
You're kidding me, right?
Oh, my...
No, screw that guy.
Why would you ever want to talk to him again?
I mean, he got a million downvotes.
Right, yes, and that's bad.
Lysella: i-i mean, it's like
-you never really know somebody, you know? -Alara: Mm.
I actually thought he was cute when he first came in here.
Ugh, god, that makes my skin crawl.
Mine, too. Really, really gross guy.
Listen, lysella, about our friends who got corrected...
Oh, my god, that's right.
Holy crap, you guys have had a really bad month, huh?
We were wondering if you might know where they were based,
like if they had a residence nearby?
Hey. why are you wearing that?
-Me? -yeah, you.
Take that neffolo off.
I'm sorry, the what?
You're not kelvic.
That's traditional kelvic headwear.
It's not a hat.
Oh, no.
Alara: uh, I...
-I can't. -What?
I have the deepest respect for your place of origin,
but I can't take this off.
You're literally pissing on my heritage by wearing that.
I have a really bad rash under here.
It's disgusting. You'd throw up, so...
I think you're lying.
Prove it
or they're all gonna upload.
Uh, you know what?
You are absolutely right.
We're gonna go and take it off right now.
Come on, alara. We're very sorry.
Claire, what am I gonna do?
-Go on, take it off. -What?
Take it off.
The seamstress is in the house.
-What are you doing? -I'm making you a wrap.
Not super fashionable, but it'll cover
that washboard forehead of yours.
-Wow, full-service doctor. -You know it.
Hey, um, that guy's gone
if you guys want to...
New problem.
-Alara: no! -Claire: No!
-No, no, no, no! It's okay. -Come on. It's okay.
-It's okay. You're fine. -All right?
You're okay.
We're not gonna hurt you.
What are you?
We are two very nice people
who are gonna buy you a drink.
Feeling better?
I-i just can't believe
that this is actually happening.
I mean, you guys really are from another planet?
Well, two different planets, actually.
Claire is from a place called earth
and I'm from a planet called xelayan.
So, can you guys, like, do stuff?
Like shoot lasers out of your eyes or anything?
I can do this.
Oh, whoa.
Lysella, we need your help.
The two men you saw in the pictures that we showed you,
they're like us-- they came here to study your planet.
We need to find them.
Wait, those guys were aliens, too?
Yes. do you know what happened to them?
Uh, they were on a subtrain
and there was a pregnant woman standing behind them
because all the seats were taken.
Somebody took a picture. Here.
I'll show you.
They didn't get up and offer the seat.
The picture was uploaded to the master feed
and then they got downvoted.
It looks like they just didn't see her.
Doesn't matter. The people decided.
That was always Lewis.
Nose buried so deep in his work,
he never had a clue what was going on around him.
Lysella: but, uh, there is something else.
One of them tried to escape before he was corrected.
He got killed.
-Which one? -I don't remember.
Lysella, where do they send people who have been corrected?
They send them home.
I think your friends once told me they lived on kappala street.
These are Lewis's research notes.
Doctor.
Lewis!
Lewis, thank god. Are you all right?
I am well.
Don't you recognize me?
It's Claire.
Of course. Claire.
You look healthy and happy.
Claire: Lewis, I need to know.
What did they do to you?
I did something terrible and then I was corrected.
I'm better now.
I'm healthier and happier.
I have to get him back to the ship.
-John, do you have any talents i should know about? -What?
Can you dance or play an instrument?
What the hell does that have to do with anything?
Um, look, we're not doing too well here.
We should have a lot fewer downvotes and we don't.
But people tend to be more sympathetic,
more forgiving of a crime, if the perpetrator has talent.
That makes them more likable, more relatable.
Hmm. uh, I can drink an entire bottle of Tequila
and say the alphabet.
Just go out there with a lot of positive energy.
Get the audience on your side.
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
My next guest is a guy
you've all seen or heard about on the feed.
His actions speak for themselves.
Here's John lamarr.
(Audience booing)
(Laughing): hey, hey, hey.
-(Audience booing) -(John laughs)
All right. Okay.
You know, I got to say, I'm surprised by that entrance.
You liked it?
You're in a lot of trouble
for doing something extremely disrespectful
and not only did you dance out here
acting like it's nothing,
but you struck several members of the audience.
For god's sake, willks, what the hell are you trying to do?
Hey, I'm giving this my best shot here.
Now, this job entails a lot of guesswork.
Lewis, is there anything you can tell us about that planet
that might help us repair the damage they did to you?
There is no damage.
I am healthy and happy.
But what about Tom?
Lewis, they killed him.
My god, his family.
Please tell Tom's family
I wish them great happiness and good health.
Captain, it's like he's been lobotomized.
There's nothing I can do.
The brain damage is too severe.
Sir, we can't let them do this to John.
Host (over monitor): Okay, it is voting time, audience,
and you folks at home.
Here we go.
Do you believe John's apology?
Sound off now.
Damn it.
Now what?
Well, that's it.
Now he goes back to detention to wait for the final summary vote.
And then?
Well, if he stays below ten million downvotes
before the tour window elapses,
he's fine.
But, honestly, I've never seen anyone above nine million
at this stage who came out uncorrected.
I'm sorry, Kelly.
Grayson to Orville.
Mercer here. Go ahead.
Captain, what's the latest from Claire?
She can't repair the damage.
Kelly (over comm): Then John is in big trouble.
We need some kind of an inside advantage.
What can we do?
The admiral said that
we couldn't send anyone in,
but he never said we couldn't pull someone out.
Claire, what's the name of your little friend down there?
Lysella.
We're gonna bring her aboard the Orville.
Oh, my... god.
It's incredible.
It's so big.
The Orville's only midsize.
You should see the heavy cruisers.
I'll just hang onto that until we take you home.
But nobody's gonna believe me if I don't have pictures.
Exactly.
We're sorry to turn your world upside down like this,
but we need your help.
Believe me, this is the coolest thing
that has ever happened to me.
What are they again?
Commander bortus is a member of a species called moclan.
I am an artificial
life-form from a planet called kaylon.
Wow.
Bortus, can you make a note?
We should have, like, pretzels and water and stuff
on the table when people come in here.
-Noted, captain. I will not fail you. -Great.
Lysella, what can you tell us about your planet that might
help us figure out a way to save John?
Your world is...
Hard to get a handle on.
How so?
Well, the voting and rating.
Those badges-- you all wear them?
Yeah. you get one when you turn 18,
and then, you wear it for the rest of your life.
It's how we can tell who's good and who's bad.
So this is an absolute democracy?
Yeah. how does your world work?
We select representatives who discuss issues
and enact laws.
But what about everybody else?
Everybody deserves a voice.
That's what we're taught.
A voice should be earned,
not given away.
How do you know...
What foods are healthiest for your children,
or what medicine to take if you're sick?
-We vote. -Isaac: I believe
you are confusing opinion with knowledge.
I think what he's asking is, with so many voices at once,
how do you filter out the truth?
Well, my dad always says, "the majority are the truth."
I mean, you always know what the majority wants.
That's what matters.
Well, you always know what the mob wants, too.
And right now, the mob wants to lobotomize my navigator.
Now, there must be some way to...
Influence the mass perception before it's too late.
Well... everybody reads the master feed.
What's the master feed?
It's a continuously streaming opinion feed.
We saw them everywhere.
Could this... feed turn the public tide in John's favor?
Well, yeah, but everybody uses the feed.
I mean, how are you gonna get millions of people
to change their minds?
I believe I have a suggestion.
(Chiming)
Oh, hell, no. Hell, no.
-Y'all not putting me in that thing! Get off me! -Hey.
-Hey, take it easy! -Hey! Hey!
Um, tell me they got this!
-How much time? -Final vote begins
in... seven minutes.
Grayson to Orville. We're running out of time.
Stand by. Isaac, what's your status?
I have gained access
-to the master feed. -Ed: All right, lysella,
what kind of stuff would endear him to your people?
Um,... you could say he supports his grandmother financially.
-Do it. -But make sure you word it right.
Like say, "oh, my god, I just found out
John lamarr supports his 90-year-old grandmother."
Flooding the feed with 20 million entries.
How can you do that?
-Babe. spaceship. -All right, what else?
If he was an overweight kid, that would help.
Access childhood image of John.
Ugh. crap, that's no good. Isaac, can you make him fatter?
Lysella: that's better.
People will like him now.
Flooding the feed with the image.
The entries are spreading and multiplying.
People are sharing them.
What if people try to corroborate
all this information?
Don't worry. They won't.
Final vote has begun.
(Computer trilling)
Ed, we're out of time.
-What else? We need something else! -Um...
No, no, no, no, no, no. No!
No. come on! No!
Tell them he has slain many enemies in battle.
Or you could just say he's a veteran.
What if he has a dog named chuckles?
Yes, that's great. People love those videos
of soldiers reuniting with their pets.
Access military attire for the planet and simulate the video.
-(Dog barks) -Oh, chuckles. Oh, chuckles, come here!
Yeah. yeah!
Oh, my god, chuckles,
I missed you so much! I'm so happy
to be reunited with you.
Oh, chuckles, I missed you when I was at war.
That's tuggin' at these heartstrings.
Flood the feed with that.
(Computer dinging)
I don't believe it.
John, you won!
You're damn right I won!
Now get this crap off of me, you crazy sons of bitches!
According to the feed,
lieutenant lamarr has escaped punishment.
Come on, John. Let's get you out of here.
-Congratulations! -real quick,
I just want to say, all y'all can suck ass,
and I'm a spaceman.
I...
Lysella, thank you.
No. thank you for...
Letting me see all of this.
I just wish i could tell somebody.
Well, maybe all you need to tell them is that
their world can do better.
(Alarm beeping)
(Beeping stops)
Man (on TV): I think I speak for all of our viewers when I say
that what you have done is shocking to say the least.
But, of course, that's for the people to decide.
That's all the time we have for today.
Don't forget to cast your votes, and we'll see you tomorrow.
Captioned by media access group at wgbh